Monday, February 16, 2015

Mondays with Martha

Tips on How to connect with anyone.

Take a genuine interest. Find out what makes people who they are. Hear their story. Ask questions. Dig deep and connect.
Build on common ground. At its most basic level, any relationship is built on some kind of common ground. When you meet someone, try to find something that connects you to similar backgrounds, values experiences. When you detect a pattern, a "Yeah, me too!" moment, connection is instantaneous.  

Smile. "Smile and the whole world smiles with you." Sure, it's a cliche, but for good reason. A smile generates enthusiasm and interest; it communicates friendliness and goodwill; it shows you to be accessible and approachable. Smile when you speak to someone, as you walk into a room, and when you pick up the phone.
Remember names. Remembering a person's name is important, and using it occasionally in conversation creates connection and helps you remember.
Encourage people to talk. The key to locking into any relationship is to invite someone to talk, and then listen. Most people are just waiting for the other person to finish so they can say their part. Listen and show interest, even if it means stretching your attention span.
Learn from everyone you meet. Keep the focus on the other person. As a bonus, this prevents your being dragged into gossip. Stay focused on his or her interests; find something this person can teach you that will be useful or interesting to know.
Show up with enthusiasm. People who live with passion find it easier to connect with others. Knowing what you really care about and why lets you tap into your own enthusiasm. Upbeat people are inherently likable, and those who radiate enthusiasm tend to click with others.
Make others feel important. Use your words and attitude to create a spotlight. Let the person you're speaking with know he or she is important, and important to you, by the way you talk. Let the sound of your voice be energized. Ask for input. Ask for advice. Ask for help. Ask for insight. Ask for experience. All of these invitations tell the person, "I find you important."
Look for the good. Be generous with others; look for points of agreement and places where you can affirm or reinforce what they're saying. Speak patiently and with care, and those around you will feel heard and appreciated.
Treat others as you want to be treated. Connecting with others does not take much. It is truly simple. Just be mindful, thoughtful, and genuinely interested. Offer an honest compliment or your authentic appreciation. There's always something to appreciate about almost anyone.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Mondays with Martha

Are you staying in a nowhere relationship?

If you’re single and don’t want to be, you’re probably tired of trying to figure out why. I've spoken with women and men who stayed in long term relationships far longer than they should. Whether it's 18 months, 5 or 10 years, they stayed in dead-end relationships month after month even though it became clear their relationship wasn't going anywhere. You know when the relationship is not progressing.
If you're looking for marriage and possibly children and he or she isn't, the earlier you end it and move on the better. You should free yourself so you can find a more compatible partner. You can tell, even in the first few months if you're falling in love and and are open-mind toward a future together.
Is he looking to keep things somewhat casual? Then he’s not in a position or doesn't want to offer you a serious committed relationship. Some women, when faced with this situation think that if they give it more time and are patient enough, the man will eventually come around. But it really doesn’t work that way. Don’t Settle. Settling is one of the most destructive diseases present in relationships as we know them.

Talk to him calmly and find out whether or not the two of you are on the same page. Be clear. Let him know that, you’re looking for someone to share your life with, and if he’s not looking for the same thing then you’re not a match. He'll either step up to the plate and be marriage material or, he won’t. 

Men can also have this problem, with a woman dating him for the wrong reasons. You have to be prepared to walk away when you find out he or she doesn’t want what you want. This is a good thing. Now, you can stop wasting your time in this going nowhere relationship and put your energies toward finding Mr or Mrs Right!
If you'd like more information on my dating/relationship services e-mail