Monday, December 9, 2013
Mondays with Martha
SAVE THE SPARK — YOUR ACTION PLAN
1. Trying to improve him/her. News flash: There’s no such thing as a perfect person, so don’t expect unrealistic changes. Reminding him or her to make the bed is one thing, but trying to radically change shyness or anxiety is another — and could be ignoring the underlying causes for those issues in the first place.
2. Fighting in public. Arguing in public can embarrass the couple and make everyone around feel awkward, too. Talk it out in private, please.
3. Avoiding fighting. Love isn’t all good, all the time. Disagreements are bound to happen, and arguments can be a healthy part of a relationship. Never having conflict may make compromise impossible. Just don’t make fighting an all-day affair.
4. Timing discussions badly. Conversations about important issues, like relationship expectations and financial blunders, all have their time and place. Don’t bring up serious topics when someone’s stressed, like at the end of the workday or right before hosting a party. Set up a time to talk when both people are relaxed.
5. Being melodramatic. No relationship is perfect. So don’t create unnecessary drama in every scenario. If a mate forgets to take out the garbage, there’s no need for a scene. Take a few breaths and address the problem calmly.
7. Allowing jealousy to take over. Doubting your partner may be a symptom of a larger problem: relationship insecurity. And women who feel insecure in their relationships may be at greater risk for health issues like a weakened immune system. Some advice for reducing envy, at least temporarily? Stay off Facebook and other social networking sites.
7. Constantly comparing. Forget the ex and stop comparing a current partner with a person from the past. This could lead to unrealistic expectations.
8. Not being honest with yourself. Don’t just be honest with a companion. Stay real about what you need in order to stay satisfied. Is a long distance relationship really worth the work? Is it okay that they’re working all the time?
9. Lacking self-confidence. Not feeling confident in a relationship can really do some damage: Low self-esteem is sometimes linked to low sex drive, which could make things less heated in the bedroom. Getting active, setting goals, and even smiling can improve self-confidence. But don’t forget that an unhealthy relationship can actually cause low-self esteem, so steer clear of someone who makes you feel less than great.
10. Forgetting why you’re in it. Remember to ask yourself why you two are dating, and what you want out of it. Does a partner want to put a ring on it while you want to remain casual? Being with someone for the wrong reasons is one slippery slope!
Posted by Martha's Singles at 10:03 PM